Someone Else Has Already Said It Best: Asian Bathrooms

With the plumbing construction going on in my apartment, I've been forced to use the school bathrooms. Thus, I was inspired to write this post about another blog's post:

If you're human, you will dislike the bathrooms. If you're female, you'll HAAAAATE the bathrooms.

It should be mandatory for airlines to hand this woman's blog post on the bathrooms to women as they exit planes in Asian countries. It will prepare you for anything.

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Please excuse the interruption for an important Public Service Announcement: ALWAYS carry toilet paper with you, no matter where you go in China. It is rarely provided. Let me repeat that: you will almost never find toilet paper in a non-domestic restroom.
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I was going to take my own photo of the staff restrooms, but I just could not bring myself to record and force you to view the unpleasantness. Therefore, here is a photo of a decent bathroom which I found on the internets:

I NEVER want to have to do that again!

My water was partially restored today, meaning everywhere but the kitchen sink. I was excited to wash my hair. It's not really worth going into the preceding process, but eventually, I ended up with the shower hose/head hooked up to the laundry spigot, which only runs cold water. So, hunched over the bathroom sink, I wet my hair with the shower head, lathered with shampoo, rinsed, and repeated with conditioner. Except that it wasn't that simple- it was ABSOLUTE AGONY! Have you ever dunked your head into cold water? [ If the answer is "yes," I'd actually really like to hear the details from you :) .] Aaanyway, the unexpected result was an all-over brain freeze. Think about that: a brain-freeze that encompasses your entire skull. It hurt sooooo bad. A terrible, terrible headache that I had to experience three times.

Long-haired readers, I recommend that you count your blessings next time your wash your hair in warm, running water.

Desperate for the tiles to set and the fixtures to be replaced!

The Great Leak of 2011

There was a plumbing leak in the wall of my apartment. I didn't know until a few weeks ago, because it didn't affect the inside of my apartment, just the external wall in the stairwell. I finally noticed it when said wall started to fall apart:

I still wouldn't have cared (I've lived with leaks before) but in less than a week, it spread downstairs; it wouldn't have been fair to the person below me to neglect it:

I told the school, and they sent repair men yesterday. Without warning, because that is how China operates. They ripped up the bathroom floor:

I was like, "Whatev! I can take a bucket bath, wash my hair in the sink- old school!" But then they shut off my water. I understand why, and I figured they would at some point, but I also figured I'd be given a chance to stock up on water first! To, you know, wash my hands, brush my teeth, flush the toilet. The basics.

This morning they tore out the wall:

And there is the leak:

Also, the repair guys smoke in my apartment. And I can't ask that they not, because, ultimately, they control my water.

In related news, while everything was being organized yesterday morning, my boss recommended I lock-up valuables in the bedroom. We located the key, locked and shut the door for a test-run, and then broke the key in the lock. And of course we had not put someone inside the room, in case the lock didn't work properly. So the troops were called in:

It did not take five guys to break the knob (that was actually pretty cool- the guy just whacked it with a hammer a few times and it came apart) and install a new one; that's why I took the photo :) .

OMG I KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO DIE

It will be in a car accident in China.

It's not because they're psychotic drivers. (I now know where the stereotype comes from, but trust me: no sober person in the US---Asian, me, or otherwise---could ever be as TERRIBLE, CRAZY a driver as Chinese taxi drivers are. Who are only marginally worse than normal Chinese drivers.)

It's not because they don't wear seatbelts. Peer pressure doesn't stop me from buckling up. To the point that I will potentially sacrifice your life by taking the only seatbelt available if need be. I'm not proud of it, it's just the way it is. I'll take a bullet for you, or give you the last seat on a lifeboat and get eaten by Jaws while struggling to stay afloat for you, but don't mess with me and my seatbelt.

It's because I don't have access to the seatbelts. In the backseat, a person can never get to the buckle!!! I have dug around between the seat-back and the seat-cushion for minutes, trying to find the damn thing, and have come up empty. The tab part, that goes over your chest is there, but not the buckle part. And in the front seat? [When I'm forced to ride in the front seat because I'm the only occupant.] The f-ing belt doesn't even work---it's never been used!!! I know, I know: "Of course it works! You make it work!" But seriously, if you've never tried to un-stick an under-used seatbelt, then you do not get to comment. It's a bitch to manage!! By the time I would have forced it into being serviceable, we would have reached my destination.



Also, "seat belt" is not one word. That's stupid.

Stroke Order Matters. Mostly.

There is a correct way to write each Chinese character; the general rule is left to right, then top to bottom.  Here's an example of the character for "eternal" I found on the internet:

Because I'm usually copying from text, I can't determine stroke order (also, I wouldn't really know it anyway) (also also, sometimes it doesn't make sense: see how 4 branches off of 5, yet 4 is, well, before 5?), so my strategy has been to write the longest lines first, then fill in the smaller ones. From adults this earns laughs; from children it earns me a lesson in writing the character properly.
It took me a while to understand why my writing got a reaction at all---as long as a person can read the character (which they can), who cares how I write it?

No one; it's just odd. It'd be like writing the word "arranged," "-ed" first,  then adding the "-rr-", then both the "a"'s, and finishing by filling in the "-ng-". So odd.

Adventures in Chinglish: Notebooks I

AiC: Notebook Edition! Today I have four amusing notebooks.

It's okay, I forgive you.

I can imagine a "girlish mood," but what exactly would make it "French"?

I love this one so much, I might go back and see about buying it.

24 Hours in Shanghai

I went with Tiffany, Meirong [/may-rong/], and Meirong's friend Live [as in, "to live"] to Shanghai for an overnight trip.

It is a four-hour bus ride from Yancheng to Shanghai. The pair of seats in front of Tiffany and I were empty, so I moved up so our bags could have seats, too. But then I noticed the grandparents across from me were accommodating their wiggly granddaughter on their laps, I couldn't not offer up the extra seat.

A Chinese Redneck truck!!! There was even a giant Chinese flag on the back window.

The subway entrance near our hostel was under a really neat building!

Tiffany, Live, and Meirong in the French Concession.

The area of the French Concession we visited (Taikang Road / Jianguo Road) is the COOLEST maze of old buildings turned into shops and restaurants.

A museum in the French Concession.

Meirong and Tiffany modeling a hand-holding-mitten.

Oh god. Only in a non-English-speaking country could this garbage sell.

Pandering. Gross.

Adventures in Chinglish

tissue paper

a mousepad

[The clerk in the shop where I found this totally flipped out on me at one point; we left right quick after that.]

I've added a Page about Yancheng

There's a link over there on the left-hand menu, under Pages: Welcome to Beautiful Yancheng? There's not much now because winter in Yancheng is TOO DAMN COLD to explore the city. I'll update periodically.

Outdoor trumpet practice.

Urban Rooster

Somebody tied this guy up on what is basically a median in the middle of the city.

"Safety, the best wishes from the world over"

From a hotel-room safety notice in Shanghai.

 But why not?!?!

Yeah, 'cause I'm sure the police have nothing better to do than answer 911 calls from lost tourists...

Like? In parenthesis it says "advertising, etc." which doesn't really clear anything up.

Disregard for what we consider basic safety is much too common in China, fire or otherwise.

I love how shady that guy looks!

All Glory to the Internets: Happy Valentine's Day

I'm celebrating this Valentine's Day by posting the music video for an enduringly popular, 90s pop song, "Red Sun" (红日). [This grew on me after I heard it performed more than a few times.] The song is light and catchy; it's music video is awesomely dreadful. Let's watch!

According to a translation I found, the lyrics are your basic "life is crazy but don't give up because we'll get through it together" sort.

Highlights include:

• fashion - hat at 0:27; sweater vest at 3:01
• charades - at 0:45, reprised at 1:55
• interesting locations for storing playing cards on the body - coming out of her top at 1:01; going into his shirt (???) at 2:17; in his sock at 3:10

Don't worry! In China, no matter how bad things are, it will ALWAYS get worse!

That is a waaay more positive sentiment than it sounds; it's like that trite, I-was-depressed-because-I-my-ears-were-cold-until-I-met-a-man-who-had-no-head concept. See, I've come to realize that each distasteful reality I experience isn't really as bad as it could be, and eventually I will come across the more wretched possibility.

Here are three examples!

Staring
AT FIRST I was annoyed about the staring (no matter how prepared you are for it, if you end up in a place with a low foreigner frequency like Yancheng, it will be A MILLION times more ubiquitous and grating than you can imagine).
BUT THEN, about a week after I arrived, I met Samson -- one of two resident Africans (Kenya, specifically). Now it doesn't bother me because I know it must be sooooo much worse for him.

Samson making a weird face.

Fireworks, Firecrackers, Fire-Noisemakers-from-Hell
HAVE YOU ever lived next to construction? Did the constant bang! boom! bang! bang! boom! ever get to you? If not, then you are a lucky, lucky person, and you should send $20 to me "Happy Gal" in Yancheng, China, if you want your fortune to continue. If you do, then you understand my pain. (And you should probably send $20 to Happy Gal if you want your luck to turn around.) See, the Chinese like to set off noise-making explosives all! the! time! Literally. 9am, 1pm, 8pm, 2am, 4am; Monday through Sunday. And I'm not talking pretty, joyful fireworks, I'm talking simple, exploding firecrackers and shells powerful enough to set off car and motorbike alarms.

AAANYWAY, I was all about loathing the jarring thunder, until the first day of Chinese New Year, when I awoke to a HEART-ATTACK-CAUSING COMMOTION OF DISCORDANT EXPLOSIONS FROM DERANGED MORTAR SHELLS AND ROCKETS AND FIRECRACKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was unreal. I'm totally down with the fact that my city was merely trying to keep away a lion-monster, but I think I would have preferred risking being eaten to the several hours of the audio-nightmare I actually experienced.
To make a long story concluded, now I don't mind the intermittent firecrackers so much...

This is an audio-extraction from a video I took when I was sick and cranky. It's of some SUPER loud explosives from a nearby neighborhood; I talk near the end to give you a little volume comparison.

Getting My Attention
PERHAPS YOU are aware of the "Hello!" phenomenon; it is a close relative of the staring. "Hello" is the only word many Chinese non-English-speakers know, and because their social-courtesy norms are very different from ours, they will often say it at me, and then laugh as if they are so clever. It is extremely obnoxious.
AT LEAST, it was extremely obnoxious, until a few wonderful individuals decided to take it to the next level. See, sometimes people will persistently try to get my attention, to perform the hello-laugh routine. And on more than one occasion that persistence has manifested in the physical. I have been run into with shopping carts, as well as out-right hit :P .

I don't have a photo of me being physically assaulted, so here's something funny from the internets.

Look what my parents sent!!!!!

You can't get these here, unless you want to pay an arm and a leg. [Which I did, for Italian and pumpkin pie spice mixes. Staples.] I asked for little baggies, and they sent whole jars! THANKS!!!

Mmm...Cellagen!

This one took me a little while to decipher, but I finally determined the manufacturer probably means "animal-derived gelatin" --- a questionable "nutrient element."

Check out what weirdness came up when I googled the non-word, cellagen.

Adventures in Chinglish

Between the dictionary's translation (which was not "disturbance") and the actual beverages located in the isle beneath the sign, I think this is intended to refer to "energy drinks."

Chinese Knock-offs & Trademark Infringement II

Disney font

Chicago Bulls mascot

Burger King

 

Sesame Street's Ernie

 

Adventures in Chinglish

This one's nothing new and it's precisely because of that that I decided someone seriously needs to let the non-English speaking world that English speakers do not use "cock" to mean "rooster" anymore!


In related Random Fact news, for those of you who don't know Miffy, she is---believe it or not---a European (Dutch) creation, not a Japanese relation of Hello Kitty :) . According to my British bestie, Jo, she's quite popular in England, and oh boy is she popular in China!!