Government Banquet Shenanigans

Last week I attended a banquet put on by the city government, for the resident foreigners.
 
The Chinese LOOOVE to toast. They do it all. the. time. at dinners. And since it's China, where everything is more complicated than necessary, there're conventions to follow, too.

• You're supposed to stand while toasting. 
• You're supposed to drink the entire glass in one swallow. [Their wine glasses are smaller than our standard ones.] 
• And, when two glasses touch, the rim of your glass should be lower than the other person's, as a sign of respect. Whenever I remember (which, honestly, isn't often), I've resorted to just grabbing onto the other person's wrist and holding it steady in order to get my rim lower and avoid a lowest-rim battle.

Behold! My goblet of yogurt! (Tiffany says most men begin banquets with yogurt, to prepare their guts for the alcohol onslaught. I was sick, and had been avoiding dairy, but I thought better safe than sorry.)

It was pretty uninteresting for a while: important officials, bad karaoke, unappetizing food, and no one to talk to (I ended up at the head table because of my supervisor's clout). But then it picked up real quick, thanks to a lot of baiju and a man I'll call Batman:

An awkward self-shot photo of me and the Chinese Caped Crusader. And a bored Indian guy.

In China, red wine is "red wine," our white wine is "yellow wine," and their "white wine" is this foul grain alcohol called baijiu (literally, "white wine"). Drinking baijiu is a popular and "masculine" activity. Because of this, a guy is applauded when he can hold his liquor, and isn't judged when he overdrinks. Seriously, they drink this stuff over business meetings, and they drink a lot of it.

So, back to the Dark Knight. I should have guessed something was up when he first approached me and convinced me to accept a glass of baijiu (I did want to try it) by insisting that I "drank it the last time we met, on a train in Shanghai." He came by again later to inquire, "I want to know why: Why don't you love me anymore?" Immediately after his third and more overt pass by my seat, Tiffany fetched me to "use the restroom," where she informed me, "That guy? Batman? He just propositioned me!! He is so smashed!" At that point it clicked. One right after the other he'd hit on us both, saying, "I think you and me should go out, and dance and drink. You need to call me, so we can go out together." Tiffany was able to laugh him off, but after losing out to her, I think he got a little more resolved, because he didn't let me do the same, and I ended up saying, "Oh totally!" :D . We left soon after that, but not before he made sure we had our photo opp, and definitely not before my coat zipper got stuck (pretty much over my crotch) and, like a good oblivious drunk guy, he went right in for it and came awful close to accidentally [seriously, he wasn't with it enough to do anything intentionally] molesting me as I stood there laughing uncontrollably.

But that wasn't the only highlight of the night. There was also this:

Pictured, center: the highest ranking official (present) and main host of the dinner

The comb-over reigns supreme among China's balding male population, and this man's was...just...there are no words. I never did get a good photo of it, but I tried. I took several surreptitious photos over the course of the evening, and finally, when I knew things were wrapping up, decided to go for broke and shoot straight on. This move earned the attention of an English-speaking neighbor, who innocently asked what I was doing. "Uh...oh, you know, taking photos of Mr. Government Guy to show my family back home."
That smooth response got me this:

"Well why don't you go up and I'll take a photo of both of you!" All because of his bad hairdo.

And that ridiculous Asian-photograph-stereotype peace-sign thing? I've totally caught myself mimicking that more than once :D .