Durians are in season...

...and, oh boy, are they NOT kidding about the smell. There aren't too many things available in China that aren't available back home, but just like the blah pepino melon and the rancid stinky tofu, the foul durian demonstrates that there just might be a reason these things are absent from our Pacific Northwest grocery stores.

On the left end of the crates are individual sections of durian. Each small (you can see the oranges & lemons nearby for size comparison) plastic-wrapped section is about ¥20, which is expensive considering I can get a whole, HUGE papaya for half that.

Unlike stinky tofu, I am planning on working through the stench of rotting flesh in order to taste the durian, for no reason other than that I'm curious: according to the Grand Master of All Internet Knowledge, Wikipedia, the acceptability of the flavor is up for debate, and I always like me a good debate. But I'm waiting for the weather to warm up to the point that I can open windows, because I don't know whether the smell is prone to lingering, and I don't want to face the possibility of dwelling in a durian-scented house for any period of time.

Safety First

On Monday I woke up to the school testing it's emergency alarm system. Only it didn't sound like a US school's alarm, it sounded like this:

That's right. Their emergency alarm is an air raid siren. I decided there wasn't an actual problem because the neighbors were going about business, but it was still really weird.


With that event in my mind, I thought I'd also post the photos I took of the following two emergency vehicles:

This is what a Chinese ambulance looks like. I know that, because even though it looks like a gussied-up van, it is labeled "Ambulance."

Super ghetto police car. 

Fancy, new-model cars exist (although I don't have a photo just now), so I wonder what it means for a police officer to have to drive one of these. Maybe it's a punishment or something?

The Pepino Melon: A Gross Fruit, an Acceptable Vegetable

This is a pepino melon:

The yuan it is next to is the same size as a quarter (which is the same size as a 2-pence, for my British friends). 

I bought it from the fruit section of the grocery store. It tasted like a green bean, and had the texture of an old tomato. So... as a fruit it was unpleasant, but I could see it being a decent salad vegetable. Not, however, something I would go out of my way to purchase again.

Dude, not cool.

All Glory to the Internets: TED - English Mania

I thought this was interesting, and would love to hear your thoughts! (It's only, like, 4 1/2 minutes.)

All Glory to the Internets: Cracked Roundup, China Edition

Here are some of Cracked's best China-related articles:

5 Examples of Americans Thinking Foreign People Are Magic
[I LOVE this one! It's largely about Chinese culture, although other non-white cultures are noted.]

The 6 Worst Parts of Being Chinese (Not in the Stereotypes)
[The author is, in fact, Chinese.]

7 Things from America that Are Insanely Popular Overseas, #7 & #2
[I can't confirm #7, but I have definnitely run into #2. My theory is that the Garfield movies are so popular because they're not funny, therefore you don't have to deal with the whole humor-doesn't-translate issue.]

5 Reasons Parenting Is One Place We Shouldn't Imitate China
[I do not have any commentary for this one.]

Surfing the Internet in China after the Google Conflict (results of a fill-in-the-blank comic contest)
[#2 is animated, so make sure you see both "views."]

5 Government Programs that Backfired Horrifically, #1
[a brief overview of The Great Famine]
The 5 Most Shockingly Insane Modern Dictators, #1
[an equally-brief summation of Mao's follow-up performance, the Cultural Revolution]

Unrelated Chinese child who would not stop following me one day, and would not stop talking to me in Chinese.

The Claw in China

Oh look, a claw machine:

Wait... what?!

And here's another:

Korean Chopsticks Are Superior

This is Anita. Anita gives Chinese lessons to the foreigners in Yancheng. Her English is excellent, and she speaks Korean, as well. She's also an unmarried mother, due to have a baby in two weeks. Today she told me that being an unmarried mother is not exactly legal. (I didn't ask, but I got the impression that she might have to pay fines [re: paying off the government to leave her alone].)

We went to a real Korean restaurant she enjoys, and I had a chance to use Korean chopsticks: they're thinner and a little shorter than Chinese chopsticks, taper significantly at the tips, and are made of metal. All the foreigners complain about how hard they are to use, so I was a bit concerned, but my fears---and their complaints---were unfounded. The Koreans TOTALLY know what they're doing! My biggest problem with chopsticks is that I can't get a good grip on them. Ever! The wooden ones provide more surface resistance than the plastic ones, but either way, they're always slipping in my fingers, making the tricky process of snatching food that much more exasperating. Metal, on the other hand, appears to provide friction between the chopsticks and my hand, because I all of a sudden I could eat without spilling all over myself, the table, and the floor. Also, a spoon is used with the chopsticks, which allows for even more control over my food.

The food was awesome!

In conclusion, I would like to state that I wish I could punch Korea in the face for rejecting me and thus denying me their wonderful food and more adequate eating utensils.

Boats Boats Boats!

This post is for my grandmother.
It will probably be uninteresting to the rest of you, so I recommend you scroll down to the 6th - 9th photos and then click back over to Facebook. [You know you want to :) ]

One day when the sun was out, I walked up the street to the river, and stood on the bridge taking photos of the industrial nautical activity.

Gran, you can click on the photos to see them in large detail.

The looongest tug boat ever!

I'm pretty sure these people were on an air mattress.

If you click on the photo to enlarge it, you can see that he's using a snow shovel to paddle.

I thought they were out for a hilarious joy-ride, but it turns out they had a goal in mind.

There was a child on that mattress! He's the black line between the woman on the raft, and the guy on the boat. (Enlarge it to see.)

Okay, back to more boats!

Chinese Knock-Offs & Trademark Infringement II

It's time for another round of Chinese knock-offs and trademark infringement!

Starbucks logo

This one's an outright rip-off. No "Starbugs" or nothing.

Arm & Hammer

Harry Potter font

Paul Frank's Julius

For those of you who don't know, Julius (not "Jutius") is a monkey (not a "mong") character by designer, Paul Frank. Perhaps you have seen my awesome blue t-shirt with the monkey with braces, like the one below?

 

Tinky-Winky

And you thought teletubbies were weird before. Check this out!

Adventures in Chinglish

There's a chain clothing/accessories store near the grocery store that has a ton of Chinglish stuff. About two weeks ago these plastic banks were put on the shelves and they're already all sold. They weren't super Chinglish-y, but they were kind of ridiculous.

So far, so good.

Huh. Okay, you went from cities to nations, and from the cute "I ♥ You" to the less cute "I ♥ Beer," but I guess there's technically no real problem.

 Fair enough.

Wait, we're back to cities again? And what does Rome have to do with the love of money? Is it a mafia reference perhaps?

Okay, now you've lost me. First of all, "bus" is not a zero article noun--it requires an "a" or a "the." And second of all, Britain uses the Pound, not the Euro. What ridiculousness :) !

I'm Back Baby!

 It was a tough week, but I survived :D . Thanks to those of you who sent well wishes for me to read on the few occasions China deigned to allow me access to Gmail:

• Aunt Martha, who reminded me that there is a world outside internet and recommended I "Be present to the people around [me]." :)

• Ian, who made cracked me up with the opening comment, "Wait a minute, Chinese internet censorship applies to white people, too? UNACCEPTABLE." and the closing PS, "To any Chinese internet security people who may be reading and intercepting this - I jest, of course. I sincerely doubt that your prying is any worse than the AI that sifts though all my Gmail to sell me baseball collectibles and deviant pornography, and it is arguably nobler, being in (debatable) service to society, rather than a piece of crass and particularly invasive commercialism. In closing, please do not blow up my computer. Thanks, Ian"

• Anne, aka "Private Anneski," who risked her life to send a covert transmission to "Colonel Rusty Shackleford."

• And, of course, Bud, who doesn't read his dear sister's emails, and thus sent me a message wondering why I wasn't on Skype all week.

In related news, here is a comparison someone on the internet made a while ago, showing the difference between Google searches in the US and China.

[click on the image to see it full size]

Stinky Tofu

Stinky tofu is a fermented tofu dish sold on the streets and in the grocery store. It is the WORST SMELLING THING I HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED. There is no describing it except that no cheese, no cruciferous vegetable, no outhouse could ever smell as rank as this stuff does. I have no clue how people eat it- I feel so ill after catching its scent, you couldn't pay me to take a bite. I will not be trying it.

Oh Lucky, you have no idea!

I've been watching a lot of King of the Hill recently because all the seasons are up on Netflix, and because it's awesome. I was moved by this clip, in light of the fact that many, many, many of the foods which I hold dear, and indeed, view as common staples, are unavailable to me, and the alternatives here in unsophisticated Yancheng are only adequate.

excerpted from S12E08, "The Mihn Who Knew Too Much"

Wonderful [Pacific Northwest] United States, I may hate your politics and economics and mission with a fiery passion that would rival many an internet troll, but oh how I love your abundance and variety of international fare.

Uyghur Students

The Uyghur/Uighur boarding students at my school are my favorite! They are so much more awesome than the non-boarding, Han student majority: they're polite, they're open and energetic, and their language skills are amazing- they speak Uyghur, Mandarin, and English, and they speak English well. I took a few photos of them the other day:

China v. US

Competition between the US and China, and China's ability to become a dominant world power, is a frequent topic of discussion among us foreigners. Coincidentally, this guy, Evan Osnos, was on The Colbert Report on Tuesday, and he did an excellent job summing-up the conclusions I've come to, namely,

1. the Chinese have intense determination, dedication, and compliance on their side
2. but, they struggle with creativity and innovation

It's absolutely worth watching:

What is this... I don't even...

I watched this two times, and I still had no words. I know most of my audience makes up the choir, but for any of you in the ambivalent congregation, please, please listen to my [Jon Stewart's] preaching and reconsider your erroneous opinions of teachers & education:

The Daily Show, Monday, February 28, 2011.

Also, I found this via Stephanie, and posted it around to many of you, but it bears repeating:


Are you sick of highly paid teachers?
    Teachers' hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or10 months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do - babysit!
    Let's give them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked; not any of that silly planning time, or any time they spend before or after school. That would be $19.50 a day (7:45 to 3:00 PM with 45 minutes off for lunch and plan-- that equals 6.5 hours).
    Each parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to babysit their children. Now how many students do they teach in a day...maybe 30? So that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day.
However, remember they only work 180 days a year, and I am not going to pay them for any vacations. Let's see... that's $585 x 180 = $105,300.00 per year. And those are the teachers who don't teach Special Ed, and don't have Masters degrees.
    The average teacher's salary (nation wide) is $50,000.
$50,000 ÷ 180 days = $277.77 per day ÷ 30 students = $9.25 ÷ 6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour, per student. That's a very inexpensive babysitter, and they even educate your kids, and work when your children aren't around! WHAT A DEAL!!!!

[Sigh]

Really? Really?!

Seen in the window of a bookstore.

Adventures in Chinglish

This new candy appeared in the grocery store the other day to annoy the heck out me with it's idiotic English message:

a close up:

Notice the interesting spelling of "health"!